It Might Have Felt Like Love
by VillageVoice
Summary: Callica. Set after episode 5.07 ‘Rise Up.’ Callie and Erica didn’t exactly break-up, but after their little public argument they weren’t exactly still together. So, what are they? And is either willing to fight for it?
1. Three Surgeries

**Grey's Anatomy  
'It Might Have Felt Like Love'  
**  
**Disclaimer:** Grey's Anatomy and all characters associated with it belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC. As much as I wish they were mine, they never will be. All other characters and places are mine. If there is a real person or place that I have named in my story, it is purely coincidental.

**Summary:** Callica. Set after episode 5.07 'Rise Up.' Callie and Erica didn't exactly break-up, but after their little public argument they weren't exactly still together. So, what are they? And is either willing to fight for it? FemSlash. Inspired by Sara Ramirez's amazing rendition of 'It Almost Felt Like Love' in No Ordinary Thursday – The Songs of Georgia Stitt. First chapter doesn't have the song, it's in the last part of the next chapter.

_Flashback in italics_

**Reviews welcome, but please be nice.  
VillageVoice**

* * *

Erica looked at herself in the mirror, the argument she had with Callie being on non-stop re-run across her mind.

"_I went to the chief about Izzie Stevens and he completely shut me down. Well, we'll see what he says when I report this to UNOS."_

"_Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa, wait, why?" Callie reached out and put a hand on Erica's arm, causing the blonde to stop and turn around to face her. "I mean, what good would come from that?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_What possible good would it do? I mean, would it benefit your patient's outcome, or-"_

"_My patient wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her." Erica desperately needed someone on her side about this. The Chief had shot her down, every other doctor in this damn hospital refused to talk about it and she thought at least Callie would be on her side._

"_You're going to report this to UNOS and cost this hospital its transplant certification? Cost our patient's organs? Cost people their jobs? Cost Izzie Stevens her career?"_

"_Wait, so you're taking Izzie Stevens side in this? Over mine?" No, this was not happening. Callie had to be on her side. Erica needed someone on her side because right now because it was her against the whole hospital and she needed Callie by her side._

"_She's a doctor, one of our doctors. There's a reason we have each other's backs Erica."_

"_Oh please do not talk to me about a code, because this is not that."_

"_No, this is that. Look, I don't know what happened between Denny Duquette and Izzie Stevens that night, but unless you were in the middle of that situation I don't see how you can make a judgment."_

"_Easy. There's right and there's wrong, and this was wrong. And illegal." Erica silently begged Callie with everything she had to back her up in this, to be a good friend – and lover, and support her in this. _'Please Callie.'_ She thought. _'I really need you right now, don't shoot me down. Don't make me feel like this is a mistake, that _we_ are a mistake.' _"There is no gray area here. You can't kind of think this okay. You can't kind of side with Izzie Stevens. And you can't kind of be a lesbian." It was a low blow and she knew it, but she was beyond rational thought at this point. This wasn't even about Izzie Stevens or her patient anymore. It was a fight for their relationship and Erica needed Callie to prove she was in it as much as she was._

_Callie paused for a minute, taking it all in. "Yes I can."_

_Erica laughed. She had just lost the one person who was supposed to be standing by her. She was totally alone. "I can't believe I didn't know this."_

"_Erica, the chief is right-"_

"_No, you." Erica interrupts. "I don't know you at all." And with that she turned and walked away, pretending that the look on Callie's face didn't stick a knife straight through her heart. Pretending that hot tears weren't burning their way down her face. Pretending she didn't need this, any of it. When the truth is, without Callie . . . what was the point?_

She could not for the life of her understand why Callie was siding with Izzie Stevens. Izzie Stevens, the woman who had slept with her husband and started all sorts of nasty rumors about her. She was the reason Callie had no friends at the hospital since she started there.

"Shit." She cursed, shaking her head. It didn't matter the reason, this was not something she would let their relationship end over. Izzie Stevens did not deserve that satisfaction. She looked over to her bed where a big orange cat was lounging. "I really messed up, didn't I?"

The cat just stared back.

* * *

Twenty minutes later she was standing outside the door to the apartment Callie shared with Yang. She kept knocking, but no one answered. She raised her hand to knock for the umpteenth time when the door finally opened, revealing a very disturbed Christina Yang in a robe and slippers. "This had better be good." She said to the intruder without even looking up. "I was sle – Oh, Dr. Hahn." She changed her tone drastically at the sight of her 'mentor.' "I'm on strict instructions not to let you through this door."

"I'll let you scrub in on my next five surgeries."

Christina's eyes almost bulged out of her head. But why stop at five? Hahn obviously wanted to get into the apartment, so she figured she had a little bargaining room. "Ten."

"Five." Erica reiterated.

"Eight."

"Three and I'll even let you do some of the procedures." She could see the wheels turning. "By yourself."

* * *

Erica knocked lightly before quietly opening the door to Callie's room. The light from the rest of the apartment illuminated Callie's sleeping form. Her face was puffy and she had tear marks down her cheeks. Erica almost turned and walked right back out of the apartment and out of Callie's life. Callie deserved better. But she entered the room and shut the door behind her just as quietly as she had opened it. She could be better. They had something. It was real and most of the time it scared the hell out of her, but it was something and it was worth fighting for.

She slowly made her way over to Callie. The darker woman was cuddled up in her blankets, but Erica could see that she was still in the clothes she had left the hospital in.

Erica sat down next to Callie, careful not to disturb the sleeping woman. After a minute or so of trying to think of what to say, she put a hand on Callie's shoulder. "Callie?"

"Hmm?"

"Callie."

Callie's eyes snapped open and locked onto Erica's. "Erica?" Then she remembered she was mad at the blonde doctor and that Christina had promised not to open the door for anyone, especially Erica. _"Christina!"_ She yelled out to her roommate as she sat up in bed, fully intent on marching into her room and giving her an earful.

"I bribed her. I'm letting her in on my next three surgeries."

Callie sat down against the headboard and brought her knees up to her chest. "Three surgeries? That's all I'm worth?"

"Three surgeries in which she'll be doing most of the procedures herself."

Callie looked at Erica. It must have taken a lot for Erica to agree to that. She took in Erica's appearance and realized she pretty much looked the same way she must at the moment. But she wasn't about to give in that easily. "So now you're here. What do you want?"

"Callie I'm . . . I'm sorry."

"Oh Erica save it." She threw the covers off herself, but Erica's hand on her arm stopped her from leaving.

"No, I . . . I have no idea what I'm doing. I . . . I don't let people in, and when I do I find the first thing I can think of to push them back out." She looked around the room, willing the tears that were so close to making themselves known to stay put. "I had, possibly the worst day of my life and I just needed you to be there for me. I keep my distance from people because when I don't, I get hurt. I let myself get too attached to this patient and it nearly broke me when he lost that heart two years ago."

Callie settled back down, unconsciously sliding a little closer to Erica.

"And now I find out that I've been working with the doctor who stole the heart from him and nothing was done about it?" She shook her head incredulously. What was she doing here? Callie would never understand any of this. Callie proved that when things got tough Erica was not the one she went to. She was sure Mark Sloan would help Callie 'figure things out' in the morning.

"I wasn't even going to go to UNOS. I just wanted someone to be on my side." That wasn't even what hurt the most. What really hurt was that Erica had lost the closest friend she's had in . . . years, and the best lover she'd ever had. Callie had made her see who she truly was and there was no going back from that. "I wanted you." And with that she got back up and walked out the front door, out of Callie's life. But how long she was gone? . . That was up to Callie.


	2. It Almost Felt Like Love

Lyrics are to _'It Almost Felt Like Love'_ in _No Ordinary Thursday – The Songs of Georgia Stitt _sung by Sara Ramirez (Callie) herself.  
_Lyrics in italics._

I'm not really too keen on having Callie grovel as a few have asked. It's not really in her personality, but I really like this chapter and hope you guys do too. She processes her feelings out lous, so just by talking about everything it helps Erica to realize how she feels.

Hope you guys like it.  
VillageVoice

* * *

Erica never went back to Seattle Grace after that night. The Chief had walked into his office the next morning to see her resignation on his desk. He tried calling her, paging her, e-mailing her, but it was almost if she had disconnected herself from the world. He called other hospitals trying to find out if she had applied somewhere else or if she had been accepted at another hospital, but no one knew anything.

A knock came at the door. "You wanted to see me Chief?"

"Yes, Dr. Torres have a seat."

Callie closed the door and walked into the office, sitting in the chair directly in front of the Chief.

"I" He began, not really knowing where to start. Instead he simply handed Erica's letter of resignation over to the orthopedic surgeon. "I know this is a delicate situation."

Callie read the letter. Then she read it again and again and again, but the words just weren't sinking in. Erica didn't quit. Erica never quits. If something is too hard, she beats it; she doesn't leave it all behind and forget about it. She wouldn't leave Callie behind. Would she?

"Do you have any idea where she is?"

Callie didn't even stop the tears from falling. "No. I . . ." This was a dream. This was all a bad dream and when she woke up she would be safe in Erica's arms and they would laugh about it and move on with their lives. "This isn't like her. Erica doesn't quit. She doesn't run away."

"That's what I'm worried about."

* * *

"Erica it's me." Callie began after being forwarded to voicemail for the fifth time. "I just need to know that you're okay. I know I messed up . . . really bad this time. Just please, call me." She shut her cell. "Please."

-----

By the end of the day and numerous voicemails later, Erica still hadn't answered her phone or returned any of Callie's calls.

"Erica, I am begging you. Just pick-up your phone or call me back or text me for god sakes, just do something to let me know that you're still alive." She paced around beside her car. "Look, I – I don't want this to be over. I don't want us to be over. Did I mess up? Of course I did. I messed up with Mark and I messed up when I didn't take your side, but I'm not a mind reader Erica." She looked around the empty parking lot. "I'm coming over." Then she shut her phone and floored it until she was standing outside the door to Erica's apartment. Thankfully someone was just coming out as she got there or she wouldn't have even gotten in the building.

Erica answered on the first knock, clearly not expecting Callie. She had her cell phone to her ear and heard Callie saying 'I'm coming over' a little too late. She closed her phone and opened the door allowing Callie to step into the apartment.

"I've been worried about you."

Erica closed the door and faced Callie. "Why?"

"The Chief has been calling you all day."

"I know how to screen my calls Callie."

Callie held up her own cell phone. "Clearly."

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay, that you weren't lying in a ditch somewhere or that you did someth-"

"Did something to hurt myself?" Erica finished. "Don't flatter yourself." She turned her back to Callie and walked into the kitchen where a half-empty bottle of wine stood.

"How did this happen to us?"

_They sat at the ocean  
They talked in the dark  
The wind made it chilly, but I felt a spark_

Erica took the bottle in her hands and busied herself refilling her glass.

"We were so close Erica."

_The night wasn't perfect  
These things never are  
But it almost felt like love_

"Not just as friends, but as lovers too."

_You laughed and I flirted  
We walked hand in hand  
My hair was a mess, all entangled with sand  
It wasn't romantic  
Not a moon nor a star  
But it almost felt like _

"I'd never – I've never felt like this about anyone before, let alone a woman."

_Tell me again  
How you long to touch my skin  
Dangle your heart before my eyes_

She walked around the counter where Erica was intently studying the wine and took the bottle from her hands, forcing Erica to look up at her. "I was just getting over my marriage ending and there you were." She smiled. "I didn't know you but then we went out for drinks one night and you were there for me. You didn't need to know what I was going through or what I needed, you just new."  
_  
I hear your voice and I haven't any choice  
But to believe your lies_

"After a while I started having these thoughts, these feelings. And then Addison waltzes back from LA and plants this . . . idea in my head. And then you kissed me in the elevator and this freaking thing just kept growing and growing and I had no control Erica. I didn't have the first clue as to – anything."

_I tried to be normal  
Get back to my life_

"And then I finally couldn't take it anymore. That kid trapped in cement, standing beside you for hours. All I wanted to do was go home, drown a bottle of wine until I was too drunk to know the difference and have amazingly meaningless sex with Mark that I regretted every. single. second. And felt even more guilty about when I'd see you the next morning."

_I can't help but wonder  
I can't shake the thought  
If only we'd dared_

"Then I saw you outside the hospital and Mark knew I'd been thinking about you all day. So I went over to talk to you, but I had no idea what to say. So I turned my brain off and I listened to my heart."

_If only we'd not_

"But then things were awkward and I still had no idea what I was supposed to say or what I wanted to say. I avoided you because I didn't trust myself to do anything but kiss you where you stood."

_It wouldn't be perfect, these things never are_

Callie brought a hand to Erica's cheek and smiled. "Then you asked me on a date and we went and it was awkward in the beginning, then it was amazing. Everything felt so natural. We had a chemistry I'd never felt before." She brought her hand back down. "But then I messed up and slept with Mark."

"Twice." Erica added.

Callie's eyes dropped. "I know what I did was wrong, I'm not saying that it wasn't. I never thought that I would cheat on anybody, especially after what happened with George, so I immediately went to you and told you and then I told Mark it was over." She took Erica's hands and looked back up at the blonde. "That I wanted you."

_But it might have felt like love_

"I know that the other night I should have immediately been on your side, no questions asked, but I'm not a mind reader. You need to tell me what you want Erica. You needed to tell me that you were having a bad day and just needed me." She took a step closer to Erica, who was staring at the floor and used a gentle hand to bring her face up so that sky blue meet deep brown. "We can do this. There's too much here for us just to drop it. But if that's what you want? . ."

Erica dropped Callie's gaze and looked back down. Callie nodded and stepped back, taking one more look at Erica. "I'm sorry." Before making her way over to the door.

"Callie."

Callie paused with her hand on the doorknob and turned around. Erica took a deep breath and walked over to Callie. Tentatively she reached out and took Callie's hand away from the door, holding it in her own. "I'm going to push you away."

Callie turned toward Erica and gave her her full attention, a small smiling creeping to her lips as she took Erica's other hand.

"I'm just saying because you can't let me." She looked up at Callie and smiled.

Callie brought her hands up to Erica's face and brought her into a passionate kiss that conveyed everything neither woman could express in words.

_It almost felt like love_


	3. Starting Over

One last chapter just to sum things up.  
Shows a side of Callie that I know is in there somewhere, the guilty side in which she actually feels bad for what she has done. Too bad ABC fired Brooke Smith and discontinued their storyline because that last scene between Callie and Erica was amazing and they could have taken their relationship in so many different directions after that. Oh well, since they won't I will.

VillageVoice

* * *

Callie pulled away, looking deep into Erica's eyes. "Can we-" She faltered, trying to find the right words.

"Start over?" Erica offered.

Callie visibly relaxed. "Yes please."

Erica smiled and took Callie in her arms. "I think that's the best idea I've heard in a long time. Just promise me one thing."

Callie pulled back at looked deep into Erica's eyes. "Anything."

"No more teaching sessions with Sloan. Because I can't compete with him. There are certain parts there that I just don't have."

Callie laughed and snuggled back into the comfort of Erica's arms. "I promise."

This time it was Erica who pulled away. "Do you really Callie?"

"What?"

"If we're going to try this again I . . . I have to know-"

Wordlessly, Callie led Erica over to the couch and sat her down, sitting on the coffee table directly in front of the heart surgeon. She took a deep breath and cautiously reached out to take Erica's hands. "I know that I hurt you, I know that. I went to Mark when the only one I should have been talking to about this was you. And I . . . I cheated on you Erica. I have joined the ranks of George O'Malley and if you really can forgive me for that than you are a better person than I am because I may never be able to forgive myself for that."

"Callie."

"I'm sorry doesn't even seem anywhere near what I need to say to you." She dropped Erica's gaze and looked down. "I turned into my lousy, emotionally distant ex of a husband and I hurt you."

"Callie!"

Callie looked up. "I'm worse than Izzie Stevens."

"Would you stop being so dramatic?"

"I'm not Erica. How can you be so . . . cool with all of this?"

"Believe me I am far from it Callie, but the fact that you're here right now means more than you know. You . . . cheated on me. You betrayed my trust and that isn't going to be built back up overnight. When you told me I felt like I couldn't breathe. I've never had a moment where I thought I did something wrong."

"You didn't." Callie brought a hand to Erica's face. "It was me. I'm . . . messed up."

Erica laughed. She smiled and really laughed. The kind of laugh that warmed the pit in Callie's stomach and made her forget everything but the moment they were in.

She took Callie's hand from her face and kissed her palm. "Just promise me one more thing?"

"What?"

"That you'll talk to me. If something is bothering you or if you have concerns, come to me. And for god sakes leave poor Bailey out of it."

Callie smiled and let Erica pull her over to the couch and snuggled back into the older woman's embrace.

"Can I ask you something?" Callie asked.

Erica nodded. "Yeah."

Callie looked up at Erica with a twinkle in her eye. "Do you want to go on a date with me?"

* * *

THE END  
Hope you guys enjoyed it.


End file.
